i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize