I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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