im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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