they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
