i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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