U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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