so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
