All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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