Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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