i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
