I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
