I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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