Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
