I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
