I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
