Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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