I wish I could punch you in the face.
time to smoke my breakfast
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
