I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
