she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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