my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
