Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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