There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
