i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
