It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
