Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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