I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
