tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
