do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
