There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
