i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
