tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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