'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
