I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
