I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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