Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
