You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
