the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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