is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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