There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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