i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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