allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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