I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
