Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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