is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
