Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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