I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
