Jerry, you need to find god
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
