Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
