I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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