My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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