Betty ford says i'm here all night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
