I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
