She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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