Fuck appropriateness.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
