this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
