im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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