if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
