Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
