$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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