i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
