At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
