woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
