Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
