I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
organizing the empties. That sober.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
