smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
