and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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