i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
