At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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