im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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